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April 1, 2014 Published in April Fool's Edition

A National Treasure

Rodger Digilio

National has learned of a startling discovery made by the Office of Historic Alexandria. The one story brick structure in the middle of the City parking lot at the corner of North St. Asaph and Cameron Streets appears to be leaning. This fact was revealed in a lecture delivered by retired City Archeologist Pam Cressey who discovered the phenomena and is developing a new specialty which she calls “Above Ground Archeology.”

The Office has been trying to keep this find quiet as they apply for listing the site on the National Register. Office Director, Lance Mallamo, declared: “The parking attendant has been replaced by a machine and we don’t want anyone tearing this priceless part of the City’s heritage down.”  Other preservationists agreed. “This exemplifies why you should never tear anything down,” said Boyd Walker. “You never can tell when it might become priceless!”

Members of City Council are excited about this addition to the City’s stock of historic structures. “Alexandria is really quite extraordinary,” said Mayor William Euille. “I think we should call it the leaning tower of Alexandria,” added Council Member Del Pepper. Council Member Paul Smedberg questioned whether a one story structure qualified as a “tower”. As usual the question was ignored as Council voted 5-2 to…



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