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April 1, 2014 Published in April Fool's Edition

A Real Bicycle Boulevard

Rodger Digilio
alexandrianews.org

Bicycle BoulevardAlexandrianews.org has learned that reports of turning Royal Street into a more bicycle friendly artery have missed the point by a mile or at least 3 blocks. According to well-placed City Hall sources, Transportation and Environmental Services Director Richard Baer has actually proposed turning Washington Street into a Bicycles-only Boulevard.

Leaked reports from a staff meeting convened to consider this idea reveal plans for multiple lanes to separate different bicycle types from each other although indications are that the unicycle’s only lane has now been dropped over Mr. Baer’s objections.

“Alexandria is a City that prizes diversity” Mr. Baer is reported to have said. “It is not only highly appropriate but imperative that we extend this diversity to bicycle operators.”  Baer continued: “We propose that Washington Street will have lanes for racing bikes, for mountain bikes, for one speed bikes, for families, for tandems for tricycles and even for unicycles if their operators will only turn out en masse in front of City Council and write hundreds of letters demanding them as part of our complete streets policy.” “What street would be complete without a unicycle?” he concluded.

City Council informally discussed the concept and expressed concern about motorists. In response one member suggested that cars but not trucks could share the sidewalks with pedestrians. City staff will study that recommendation…

 

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