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April 1, 2014 Published in April Fool's Edition

Climate Change with a Vengeance

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Rodger Digilio
alexandrianews.org

Climate Change With A VengeanceMeteorologists are warning of a new set of phenomena that could trigger a major Memorial Day snow storm in the Washington Metro Region. A massive trough of extremely cold Antarctic air is flowing northward in the Pacific Ocean. Deflected by unusually strong trade winds blowing from the west it will enter the western United States in mid-May and sweep across the country threatening to prolong one of the coldest and longest winters in memory.

National Weather Center experts are united in their assessment. “We are terribly concerned about the threat of volcanic eruptions following recent earthquakes,” said one forecaster.  “Great quantities of dust and dirt in the atmosphere would block the sun’s rays and would further cool the northern hemisphere,” said another. A third pointed out that sunspot activity had increased and that was a bad thing.

There is a possibility, however, that Alexandria and parts of Arlington and Fairfax will be spared. Speaking on condition of strict anonymity, a spokesman pointed out that the 8th District Democratic Primary had attracted 12 candidates. “With the primary on June 8, that much politicking will produce a great volume of hot air and could counteract these pronounced atmospheric effects locally.” He went on: “If the Republicans were to have a primary too, then we are sure that there would be nothing to…

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